Fight Your Demons

Article written by Bulent Ozdemir
(Disclaimer: This article contains words and phrases that some people may find offensive. If you are easily offended then please do not continue)

Since my last two short film outings (Promised and 30 Seconds 2 Late) in 2012, I haven't really had the energy, or quite frankly, the will to go out there and make another. In my childish arrogance, the 'measured' success bar I'd set for myself had not equaled the work load, or should I say pain load I'd put in. Yes. Pain. Both mental and physical. Mentally getting a project off the ground and physically creating the end result, both arduous tasks for one person alone (That's not even taking into account the social aspect of promoting your work!).

So I blamed a lack of a level playing field, my background, perfectionism, the stars, Mother Teresa and anything else I could come up with. I soon found myself in the darkest corners of a fucked up mind, wrestling gremlins and fighting demons that I manifested. All because the 'measured' success bar I'd set for myself had not... all together now... equaled the work load I'd put in. Very good.

But hang on a minute, let's put all this into perspective. I left my day job back in June 2010. Up until that point, the previous 10+ years of my life was office based. What have I personally achieved in this self taught journey of mine so far? Let's see:

1. 4 (Script to Screen) Short Films
2. 1 Music Video
3. 3 Maverick Movie Award Nominations
4. 2 Q&A Screenings in London
5. Northern Nights Film Festival official shortlist
6. Invitation to guest write about my journey for Film Courage (u.s.a)
7. Local and International praise from friends, family members and industry peeps.
8. *Updated below.

Not bad for a DSLR monkey shooting no budget shorts with the collaborative generosity of the talented people who said 'yes' to a former office bod. But that's the thing. I tend to lose track of all the stuff that's happened over the past few years and focus on the not so good stuff. I put this down to being far too hard on myself and that my friends, can be the killer of creativity. Here's some great advice from Jack Perez who sums everything up perfectly (via Film Courage):

I know there's a lot of filmmakers out there going through the same shit as I do, believing they're the only ones going through the, well, shit. You're not alone. Every dark cloud has a glorious sunshine that will eventually burst through (So I keep trying to tell myself). Get good people around you and keep doing what you're doing. Keep believing. I know I have to.

Update 23/03/2013: As of 8:30am (GMT) today, Promised was officially selected for the
FANTASTIC PLANET: Sydney Horror, Sci-Fi & Fantasy Film Festival.



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Bulent Ozdemir is a self taught Writer, Director and Filmmaker who left his day job as an insurance broker back in 2010 to pursue a career in film.

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e: bulentfilms[at]gmail.com